Life Lately

Well, it’s been a minute, but I think it’s time for a little life update.

While I had every intention to wrap up the podcast with an “end of season” and “what you can expect next” episode, I ended my first season rather abruptly with the passing of my dad, a health scare, and the end of a school year. My apologies for leaving you hanging.

Back in August I announced the return of the podcast this fall with plans to discuss faith, recovery, and personal growth. But to be completely honest with you, I don’t always know what comes next. So, I guess I’m really writing this to tell you – I’ll be pressing pause on the podcast for this fall season. 

In light of my dad’s passing, the meaning of redemption and recovery has deepened in my soul. There was a deep, unspoken lesson about the impact of family – it’s meaning, it’s depth, and the fight to hold on and hold it all together. 

Sometimes we don’t get the storybook ending we hoped for. 

Sometimes we’re reminded of the harsh reality of living in a broken world.

Sometimes our deepest fears come true.

Sometimes we’re left with unanswered questions and words unspoken.

Sometimes we’re left with broken hearts that long for healing.

And yet, despite all of that reality, we can know with certainty that God is still writing the story of our lives. 

He will never leave us, never forsake us. 

He knows all, and despite our inability to understand the plan, we can trust all that we don’t know and don’t understand to the One who knows all.

He will come close and carry our heavy soul and broken heart.

In a unique way, the loss of my dad left me with a greater gratitude for the opportunity to experience redemption and recovery in my own life and marriage. It has also unlocked new levels of learning and healing and I’m finding myself in this season of change and pivots and reevaluating dreams and goals and how they all play together in the bigger story of life. 

I usually pick a word and the beginning of each year that heavily influences my goals and decisions throughout the year. It’s not a hard and fast rule, but something I like to reflect on throughout the year. This year I chose the word “becoming”, and goodness, how fitting it has been but in all the ways I never saw coming. This idea came from my focus words from the previous three years – alignment, clarity, and cultivation. Coming into this year, I knew I wasn’t done with any of those words. The word “becoming” kept coming to mind and I felt like it was the word in which all three of these others collided. 

For me, becoming feels like a art, not rushed, not limited, this evolving and unfolding, a leaning into the unknowns all while held by grace, trusting, listening for the quiet whispers that say “you are loved, you are enough, you are worthy, you belong to Jesus and you are never alone.”

I know this process will continue far beyond just this this calendar year. But as the seasons change and we head into the last quarter of the year I just want to remind us that there can be a quiet contentment in the in-betweens of becoming and time will tell a bigger story and there will be details and challenges that we never expected but we can trust that there is someone much bigger than ourselves who loves us fiercely, who wants good and abundant blessings for us and He will lead us day by day.

I’ve been holding on to Psalm 23 recently because it’s easy to get wrapped up in the frustrations and struggles of everyday life. But this passage reminds us to follow the Shepherd’s lead and He will provide, lead us to peace and rest, restore our soul, show us the next right step, provide comfort, and pour out His goodness and mercy over our life. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

Psalm 23